[video] CTV’S THE SOCIAL – STOP PEOPLE PLEASING!
FULL VIDEO SEGMENT HERE: http://www.thesocial.ca/video?vid=1087145
Defining the martyr complex
If you know the term “people pleaser”, then you’re familiar with the martyr complex. By definition, it’s a person who will sacrifice his or her own needs to serve others, however it’s the instance of “I and only I can do this” that makes them feel like a victim to the demands of others. They always complain about it, even if the solution is readily available.
Changing your martyr ways
Before you can express your thoughts, wants, and feelings to others you need to know them for yourself. During quiet moments, like in the shower or while you’re driving, reflect on what’s working and what’s not and how you allow that to happen. Stop the blame game.
Here are other things you can do:
- Stop volunteering to do everything.
- Start with what you want to do first. Trim the list and delegate the rest.
- Express your intention or availability (i.e. “I need to focus on project ABC right now.”)
- Trust others with a task.
- Remember that “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to over-apologize or explain yourself. If you aren’t available, people will look elsewhere to get the job done.